THIS WEEK IN HOLLYWOOD: Fashion Police

I in NO WAY consider myself to be some sort of fashionista. I love to look cute, but I know I'm not up there with all the trends. One thing that drives me insane, though, is flipping through magazines and pictures online and seeing all these gorgeous celebrities wearing the most ridiculous ensembles or just plain hideous clothes, and no one says a thing about it (or worse, they're praised for their cutting-edge fashion sense) simply because they're famous. So I'm gonna be brave and call them out. Because in Normalville, USA, they would so get laughed at.

Katie Holmes

Usually Katie is a fabulous dresser, but lately, I'm not feeling her wardrobe.
She is single-handedly trying to bring back the 80's tight-rolled jeans and
frankly, I hate her for it.

I'm pretty much at a loss here.

Okay, she and Tom Cruise have quite possibly the cutest
kid on the planet, and she insists on dressing her in over-sized
dresses and covering up those doe eyes with way-too-long bangs!
Half the pictures I see of Suri she's got her chin pointed upward,
just trying to see where she's going, the poor thing! And what is
up with the lumberjack plaid? Katie's wearing it here, and....

Heidi Montag (and Audrina Patridge)

Heidi is sporting it here. Although Heidi looks like she simply
forgot to change out of her pajamas from the night before.
I can't tell if it's a shout-out to 90's Seattle grunge or some
sort of "chic" country western, but really, it doesn't matter.
Either way it's heinous.

Nicole Richie (and Jay-Z)

Another trend I am soooo not loving is the hippy
headband. I know Nicole Richie has always been
very "free spirit" and all that, but I've seen it on
other celebrities trying to bring back the 60's trend.
And this one looks like she stole it off a Solid Gold dancer.

Elizabeth Hurley

And what is up with all the bearing of chests lately?
It's no longer just cleavage, it's like more is out than in!
Seriously, Elizabeth, what are you thinking?! At least
you know if your airplane ever crashes into the ocean
you have your own flotation devices.


Melanie Brown

Oh, Melanie, Melanie. Honey. Hoods and the
red carpet just don't mix. Hoods and corset
dresses don't mix. Hoods and skin-tight
white satin don't mix. In fact, how 'bout
we just stay away from hoods altogether?


Madonna

Madonna recently rocked these pistol high heels.
It's so that she can easily bust a cap in anyone
who makes a rude comment about her adopted
baby, or her crumbling marriage, or her delusions
about her age, or her embarrassing footwear...


Sarah Jessica Parker (and son James Wilkie)

Another thing I seriously don't get:
You know you're famous, you know if you go outside
paparazzi are going to take your picture, and yet
you go out looking like this: wearing Ugg boots, which
I believe stopped being cool at least 3 years ago (maybe more),
which you couldn't even take the time to tuck your jeans into,
and wearing a grandma sweater which you tied around your waist
as if you were actually a grandma. And again, what is with celebrity kids'
hair? They all have the philosophy that they're somehow oppressing
their children by cutting their hair, that they should be allowed to
express themselves through their hair...no, people, oppression
is not being allowed to see where you're walking, or a little boy
being forced to have girl hair. Messy girl hair, at that.


Hayden Panettiere

It looks like she tried to be resourceful
by making a shirt out of an old wedding dress.
Hayden, you got moolah. Do yourself a favor and
go buy a new shirt. Or if it's a money thing, steal
from the Heroes wardrobe. They have cute stuff.


Jada Pinkett Smith

Um....no. Just, no.


Kanye West

Not even a cool gangsta rapper like Kanye can pull off
an ice cream cone sweatshirt. Come on, someone hook
the guy up with some Sean John.