1. Edward drove a hatchback. Oh no he di'n't! I can't tell you how disturbed I am by the car he drove in the movie. Edward would never drive a hatchback.
2. Forks is a racially diverse place. Funny how Stephenie led us to believe that Forks is made up two kinds of people: White and whiter. Who knew Tyler Crowley was black? Or Laurent?! I'm pretty sure "dreadlocks" don't appear anywhere in the text.
3. Bella has an affinity for flannel. (And bowling shirts?) Oh, I get it, because it's Northwest Washington, right? So obviously all the high-schoolers are rockin' oversized, plaid flannel shirts, Cobain-style. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Twilight producers, but grunge hasn't been cool since Smells Like Teen Spirit was topping the charts.
4. Vampires fly Superman-style. It was never mentioned that Edward soared from tree to tree--vertically, no less--or scaled trees with his hands and feet. Those close up shots of their faces as they're soaring through the air, Bella's hair flying, look exactly like Clark Kent and Lois Lane did (even the quality of the special effects, which, I'm sorry, should be better than a movie made in 1978). What's at the top of my Christmas Wish List? A nice, fat budget for New Moon. And no more vampires flying from tree to tree.
5. Jacob has fangs. Who knew? You'd think this would be something Stephenie would have felt compelled to share with us. A werewolf with fangs? Intriguing. Maybe Jacob is actually some new mythological creature--half vampire/half werewolf. So--just humor me here--once Renesmee is finally old enough to hook up with Jacob (which should be about any time now) and they procreate, their offspring would be, what? A half werewolf/half vampire/half human with the only real set of fangs? I smell sequel!
6. Bella's friends were cool. Interesting how Stephenie kept Jessica's humor a secret, (or the fact that she was entertaining in any way) never spoke of Angela's glasses or 92 lb. body, and failed to mention that Eric Yorkie was a "hip, attractive Gaysian." (Okay, I stole that line from another website.) Seriously, who knew Bella's friends were actually people we'd want to hang out with?
7. Edward has chest hair. It's funny, but in all 9,572 descriptions of Edwards cold, hard, glistening, marble-like, gleaming, muscular (jump in at any time) chest, I don't recall ever seeing the word hairy. It could very well have been there, though, slipped in among the myriad adjectives, and no one would ever have noticed. I just can't take Edward's "perfect" body seriously with fuzz poking out the top of his shirt. Now, I don't promote shaving or waxing of chest hair by any means, but I think in this case, where someone is portraying an immortal character with skin made of smooth stone and the sexiest chest known to man, maybe waxing should have been on the to-do list for Rob's hair and makeup. You know, right after "muss hair" and "apply lipstick liberally."
8. Bella wears makeup. Speaking of lipstick, I find it hilarious that in the books, neither Bella nor Edward wear a stitch of makeup, and yet in the movie, they both do. In Edward's case, he's wearing red lipstick like nobody's business, obviously to attain the whole vampire look. As for Bella, she's not just wearing "movie makeup" that all actors have to wear. No, her character is actually wearing lipstick, mascara, and eye shadow. I love this, because it's like they read in the book that Bella didn't wear makeup (according to Edward, she didn't "need to." Blech.) and thought, "yeah, right" (just like all the rest of us did) and decided to make her a normal teenage girl who wouldn't be caught dead leaving the house without makeup.
9. Forks High School students are health conscious. I dare you to find a scene in the movie where one of the teenagers is eating anything resembling junk food. Apparently in Forks you're not cool unless you're eating a salad, veggies, or a garden burger. Bella's a vegetarian? Was that supposed to be some kind of tongue-in-cheek comparison to the Cullen's eating habits? There wasn't a single shot of any kid eating a hot dog, hamburger, pizza, etc. Nope, it was salad, vegetables, and salad for these kids. And salad. They even have Rosalie munching on a carrot! What the heck?! Details, people, details.
10. Vampires love monkey references. Two quotes that didn't make it into the book, but sadly, made it into the movie: EDWARD: "You better hold on tight, spider monkey." ROSALIE: "My monkey man." Uh.....awkward. Weird. Not funny. What's with the monkeys? Here's one that didn't make it into the final cut: BELLA: "Edward, I want to be like you. Change me. Change me now." EDWARD: "Yeah, when monkeys fly out of my butt." Where was that one?!
Oh, and I just have to add that this is Edward's car, as chosen by Stephenie Meyer, taken right off her website:
Look at that--NO HATCHBACK!!
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