High School

Do you ever stop and think about your life and where you're at now and realize with disgust that you're still in high school?

Obviously, I don't mean literally.

Lately I've been thinking about my life and the people around me and realizing with sadness that nothing's changed. It's like high school never ended.

We are all still competing to be the most popular. To be the one with the funniest blog, or the most friends, or the cutest decorated house or the best kids. We are all still vying to be BFF's with the It Girl--you know the one, the one that EVERYONE wants to be friends with--and all still secretly loving when She talks bad about another one of her BFF's. We are all still wanting everyone to be thinking about us, focused on us, be the center of attention. Hello, Blogger, Facebook and Twitter--look at me!

At 30 years old I thought I would be an adult. I think back to my mom at 30 and she was a full-on grown up. She had it totally together, 100% mom, no friend drama, no problems, nothing but the joy of raising her kids. And then I turned 30 and realized I had no clue back then. My mom was just like me at 30, and 30 is in no way a mature age.

So when does it happen? What's the magic age where we stop caring what everyone thinks about us? Where we stop feeling the obsessive need for everyone to love us? Where we are so self-assured that we can go to the grocery store with no makeup on and not feel the need to blog about it? 40? 50? Does it ever really happen?

I don't want to be in high school anymore. I tossed that hat in the air 13 years ago and with it, I thought, all that superficial, selfish nonsense. I want to be real, 100%. I don't want to care what people think of me. I don't want to worry about friend security. I don't want to constantly compare myself to all the women around me.

I just want to live my life and be happy.