Twi-Nightmares

So...there's only 3 days left on the countdown and I'm starting to get a bit nervous. (Feel free to slap me upside the head the next time you see me if you are ready to vomit at the sight of yet another Twilight movie-related post from me. Or, deal with it, because, let's face it, no one's forcing you to read my blog. THREE DAYS, PEOPLE! As if I could blog about anything else.)

So I'm nervous. After all the hype, the waiting, the excitement, the anticipation that I have completely built up in my own head, I reached the last week on the countdown and it was like I crashed into a brick wall going 150 mph. For the first time ever, I stopped and thought, "Huh. This movie could really suck. And not in all the right ways like all the tag lines say." And then what? Imagine if you will, the biggest downer of ALL TIME. Basically you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me on Saturday, I'll put it that way.

So to calm myself down a little bit, I'm just going to put my concerns about the movie out there. Here are my thoughts on the potential deal-breakers for Twilight the movie that swirl through my brain at random times of the day:

(Driving my kids to school)
What if Edward's hair is too big? I know that in most of the pictures I've seen they've managed to keep the delicate balance between sexy-messy and bedhead-messy just fine, but there was that one picture with the swooped bangs...

(Walking through Walmart)
What if there are more parts like the scene where Edward is demanding in a creepy, wife-beater voice that Bella say the word "vampire" out loud? I already can't watch that scene without cringing. Why is he yelling at her? Real Edward doesn't yell at Bella, and he doesn't get thrills off of hearing her say "vampire" out loud. Maybe movie Bella should be a little scared of movie Edward. Maybe she should talk to movie Charlie about a restraining order. I'm just sayin'.

(Making Payson's lunch)
I take issue with the baseball uniforms. Why baseball uniforms? Did the producers read Twilight? Would the uber-cool Cullens with their kick-butt fashion sense be caught dead in cheesy baseball jerseys for a little game of Vampire Baseball? Methinks not. I can't take Edward seriously in a baseball jersey, I just can't.

(Trying to fall asleep at night)
Why, oh why, with the flying?! It is a travesty of epic proportions that the movie-makers in all their "movie-making wisdom" thought it would be super-cool to hook them vamps up to some wires and put 'em up in some trees. Maybe I can just close my eyes during all the ridiculous acrobatics. Or maybe I'll get lucky and get hosed down with explosive butter.

And lastly...

If Edward's eyes pop out and his head jerks around every time he's reading someone's thoughts like Matt Parkman on Heroes, I'm walking out of the theater.